


i'm on my way(to believing)

by orphan_account



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, POV Cyrus Goodman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:56:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20303062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: He took a few deep breaths, "The years after that.. were terrible. Almost as bad as the years they actually spent together, fighting nearly every night and my dad moving into the basement. I mean, over time, it wasn't every night, but it was still fairly often, and my dad, he- he was an alcoholic. He still has to go to AA meetings, and he's still in recovery, but. But I can't let that happen to either of us, Tj. I can't. I love you, I really do, but..."Tj stroked the back on Cyrus' hands with his thumbs, "Cyrus, we aren't them."





	i'm on my way(to believing)

**Author's Note:**

> song fic for "the only exception" by paramore! 
> 
> hope you enjoy <3 
> 
> \- Parker xx

_When I was younger I saw_   
_ My daddy cry_   
_ And curse at the wind._

For as long as Cyrus could remember, his parents had never really been _happy_ together. They were always arguing over the smallest of things, whether it be something being misplaced, or how long Cyrus was allowed to stay up and watch cartoons after dinner. It had gone from little, unimportant things to horrendous screaming matches between the two of them that ended in his father sleeping downstairs on the couch.

Eventually, the fighting stopped but it hadn't meant that things went back to how they should have been. It just meant that Norman had a new room, which was in their basement so none of his things flooded any of the other rooms just how Leslie asked him to keep it. The two of them could hardly stand to look at each other. For being two shrinks, they really had never considered how it had affected their son, who was scared beyond belief every single time he so much as saw his parents in a room together, with an obvious fear that they would start to scream at each other again.

Despite not being happy, the two had been very adamant on _not_ splitting up. Cyrus assumed it was because his mother didn't want any of her friends to know that her marriage was failing. All the other mother's she was friends with were all happy in their marriages. Maybe she was scared of how they would speak about her, which Cyrus understood. However, he didn't like that they stuck together despite no longer being in love. If they ever were to begin with, Cyrus would always think to himself.

His father never took it well, obviously. More often than not on his days off, Norman would go out to bars and come home in the late hours of the evening. Whenever Cyrus was meant to be sleeping, but couldn't because his dad wasn't there to tuck him in at night anymore. Cyrus remembers watching out his window as his father would stumble home, throwing things at the house and scream out nonsense to no one. The only time Cyrus ever cried was whenever his father did too. He could tell his dad still cared, but it was obvious Leslie had already given up on their marriage a long, long time ago.

_He broke his own heart and I watched_   
_ As he tried to reassemble it._

Over time, the situation just got worse. On some nights, Norman wouldn't even come home. Sometimes not for days at a time, and to say that Cyrus missed his dad would be an understatement. He never realized how much he needed his father until he didn't have him anymore.

The night that Leslie finally pulled out hidden divorce papers was the night that her and Norman had their biggest fight yet, because he had cheated on her with another woman from a bar and came home with bruises lining his neck with his only explanation being a shrug of the shoulder. Leslie was very clearly unhappy and distressed. That was the first time Cyrus had ever seen his mother cry after one of their fights. He'll never forget the look of utter betrayal that crossed her features. Almost as if, even though they were no longer in love, she was heartbroken. Almost as if, even though she wished they were no longer together, he had broken them even more than possible. Almost as if she _cared_.

At the time that it happened, his dad really didn't care that Leslie was so distraught over it. He would always think "ha! now she finally knows how it feels to be utterly betrayed with no warning." however, whenever he woke up sober the next day, he cried for hours upon hours when he realized that she had packed up all of her things overnight and was gone. No note in sight.

He did know it was his fault though, which might have made it hurt all the more. Cyrus watched as days on days passed, going from house to apartment (his mom found one so quickly, he was honestly shocked to all hell.) every week. His dad grew sadder by the day, but he still tried. Cyrus would witness him go on date after date with no luck.

_My momma swore that she would never let herself forget._

His mother was broken too, but she hid it better than his father did. He remembers the night they both signed the papers, his mom crying and his dad drunk. She was complaining constantly under her breath, claiming that love wasn't real and she regretted him. Norman just sat and laughed, signing them as best as he could. Cyrus remembers his mom's phone call with their lawyer, telling him she needed to see him as soon as possible. He remembers her crying even harder while packing all of her things. He remembers the words she spoke to him right before she left her eight year old son alone with his drink father. He remembers crying as she finished saying them.

"I'm so sorry, Cyrus. My mom can come and pick you up tomorrow, but I _have_ to leave. I love you so much, baby. I'm so so sorry."

He remembers collapsing onto their kitchen floor in tears, confused beyond belief.

The next day, whenever he saw her, he ignored her for hours until she sat him down to explain some things.

"Cyrus," he had glanced at her, unamused. "I know you're upset, sweetheart. I cannot believe I left you alone last night, and for that I so deeply and sincerely apologize. You have no idea how much I love you, but can I please tell you what's been going on these last several years?"

He nodded his head.

Leslie sighed, "We never meant to things to go down hill like this." She paused, almost as if she was contemplating her next words, "Cy... I didn't mean to get pregnant with you."

When he heard those words, he looked up in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Well.. sometimes couples plan when they want to have a baby." She smiled at him softly before frowning again, "But.. but we didn't."

"So you didn't want me?"

"No!" His eyes widened, "No I mean- yes! We were so happy to find out about you, honey. But that doesn't mean it was planned. The stress of starting a family was too much on our marriage, and I am in no way blaming this on you, because it is out _own_ faults, Bug." She paused to take a deep breathe, "We knew in the long run that we weren't going to last, Cyrus. We stayed together because we wanted to be a family, yet we still weren't and for that I'm so, so sorry."

Cyrus had wrapped his tiny arms around his mother's figure as she cried into his shoulder, holding him just as tightly. "Always remember that you don't _have_ to stay with a girl if you aren't happy with her, okay? This type of pain is unforgettable." 

_That was the day that I promised, I'd never think of love if it does not exist._

Cyrus made a sour face, "girls are icky."

She laughed at him, "well, if you still feel that way when you're older, than never stay with a boy who makes you unhappy."

He nodded, a frown etched into his face. "Okay, momma. I promise."

He had no idea that years down the line, after being so against love, that he'd meet a boy that made his heart betray those thoughts.

His name was Tj. He was in the same grade as Cyrus(8th) but he was a year older due to failing math and being held back a year, meaning he was 14. He was taller than Cyrus by maybe five inches, making him more intimidating that an 8th grader should have been. But he was sweet on the inside, like milk chocolate. His hair was stiff and blonde, and God he was gorgeous.

Cyrus knew he was gay, he figured that out after having a very intense infatuation with his friend Jonah a few months prior, but Tj was definitely a good confirmation crush. If Cyrus thought about it, Tjs feelings have always been pretty obvious. He would bring the smaller boy muffins from a bakery every single day with a cute note attached, usually with a pick up line written down.

His favorite one was, "Of all the stars in the universe, you shine the brightest. Smile today, you look beautiful when you do."

Even now, at age 16, he still had it locked away in a little box in his closet, along with several others.

Him and Tj have been attached at the hip for as long as they've known each other. They were best friends. Cyrus really loved having Tj in his life.

_Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul_  
_ That love never lasts_.

Cyrus felt guilty. He'd been avoiding Tj all summer break before their junior year of high school. Why? He couldn't really give a perfect answer, considering it was out of fear and frustration. Tj asked Cyrus out on a date on their last day of school, and Cyrus denied him so fast that Tj fled before he would even get out an explanation. He apologized once, and then continued the days following ignoring any call and text from Tj.

He knew that he could never be with Tj, no matter how much he liked him. It would never end well, and he knew that. He's _seen_ that. He would never put himself through that type of trauma again. The only solution was space.

_We've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face._

It goes on like that for several more weeks, even after school starts back up, and Tj was getting tired of it. Cyrus was avoiding talking to him all together. He could tell Tj was hurt too, if his longing looks in the halls were anything to go by. After nearly two months is when Tj confronts him on it.

Cyrus was just swaying on the park swing by himself, content with being alone whenever Tj showed up. And he showed up alright, he showed up filled with a fury that Cyrus had never witnessed from the older boy before. His face was red, fists clenched. Eyebrows pinched.

"Cyrus Goodman." Was the first thing to leave his mouth.

Cyrus looked up in shock, "Theo."

"No!" He snapped. Cyrus frowned, and fliched slightly.

"No?.."

"Yeah. No." Tj rolled his eyes, "You cannot call me that anymore. Not until you tell me why you're avoiding me, because right now? We aren't even friends anymore.."

His voice cracked on the last word, and Cyrus felt his eyes fill with tears. They went unshed, but the were there nonetheless. "Tj. I love you."

Tj felt himself holding his breath, "Y-you do?"

"Of course I do!" Cyrus stood up abruptly, walking in from of Tj, the two of them only a foot apart from being chest to chest, "But that doesn't change _anything!_ We can't be together, Theo. We can't. It would never work. Love does not last. You would fall out of love with me if you ever fell into it in the first place!"

"You're wrong," Tj wiped away a few stray tears off of his cheeks, "I would never."

Cyrus smiled softly, placing a hand on the side of Tjs face, the older boy grabbing it and leaning into it, "You would, Teej."

_I've always lived like this_   
_ Keeping a comfortable distance. _   
_ Up until now I had sworn to myself that that I'm content with loneliness. _   
_ Because none of it was ever worth the risk_

Tj shook his head frantically, pressing his forehead into Cyrus' "Cy, please." Cyrus just shook his head, going to pull away and leave, but Tj grabbed his wrist stopping his from going too far, "Cyrus. Let's make a deal,"

Cyrus looks up at him with curiosity, "What kind of bet?"

"You- you explain to me why you don't want to be with me, and if I think it will happen, you can leave." He pauses, "And... If I think it won't,"

"You can take me on a date."

"Yes, exactly." Tj smiles softly.

Cyrus furrows his eyebrows in doubt, but softly he starts to explain why, "My dad cheated on my mom." Tj frowned, "And. And even though they weren't in love for years before it happened, my mother was still.. crushed. She was so heartbroken when it happened, and she left me alone one night. Well, I was with my dad, but he was absolutely wasted- and I mean like, shitfaced! That's why I don't drink at parties! We're too young, but also that."

He took a few deep breaths, "The years after that.. were terrible. Almost as bad as the years they actually spent together, fighting nearly every night and my dad moving into the basement. I mean, over time, it wasn't every night, but it was still fairly often, and my dad, he- he was an alcoholic. He still has to go to AA meetings, and he's _still_ in recovery, but. But I can't let that happen to either of us, Tj. I can't. I love you, I really do, but..."

Tj stroked the back on Cyrus' hands with his thumbs, "Cyrus, we aren't them."

Cyrus looks up, a single tear finally making its way down his face, "But what if.."

"Can I kiss you?" Cyrus felt his eyes grow wide, "I-I'm sorry, I just-"

_I've got a tight grip on reality but I can't let go of what's I front of me here._

Cyrus cuts him off with a kiss, hands leaving Tjs in order to grip the sides of his face, pulling him into it more. Tj melted into it, his hands grabbing at Cyrus' waist and pressing their chests together. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Yeah."

Tj grinned, pulling Cyrus into a hug, picking him up off the ground.

_Darling, you are the only exception._

Years down the line, Tj is stood in front of a crowd, tears in his eyes but a grin taking over half of his face, "I met Cyrus whenever I was in the 8th grade, and immediately knew that he was The One. There was nothing that was ever going to convince me otherwise."

He looks towards his partner, more tears gathering in his eyes as he thinks about how lucky he is, "He helped me to be the person I am today, which is someone I'm proud of. I love him more than anything in this entire world, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with him."

Cyrus wipes tears, "I love you." He mouths. He turns towards the crowd, "Theo... came to me at a time on my life where I really needed him. I-I struggled a lot growing up due to a lot of trust issues I developed at a young age, which thankfully now are very little, and I'm a bit more trusting of those around me, and he- he was the one to help me with that. He showed me that love isn't something I should be scared of, and it's something that I should welcome with open arms. And-" a sob leaves his lips, "I'm so happy he never gave up on me. Theo," he turns to his now husband and gives a watery smile, "I love you _so_ much. Thank you. For everything. For being the only one willing to love me for me. Thank you for never leaving. Thank you for loving me."

**Author's Note:**

> follow my Twitter!   
@imissandimack   
Or my Tumblr!   
@tippen-jippen-kippen :)


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